


wish you were straight

by agos15



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: All kinds of sex, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheeky Harry, Cheeky Louis, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Happy Harry, Heavy Angst, Hurt, I promise it has a happy ending, Lots of Larry, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Photographer Harry, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sassy Louis, Smut, Song Lyrics, Song references, Songwriter Louis, Teacher Louis, Upset Louis, Worry, before everything went to crap, happy louis, harry is experiencing, kinda breakup, lots of fluff, so louis suffers a little, sunshine louis, they really love each other, they were no boyfriends so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-11-28 23:11:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agos15/pseuds/agos15
Summary: The only thing Louis can remember about the conversation they had a few months ago is the most iconic phrase he's ever said in his life. If he weren't feeling so miserable, he'd be laughing non stop about it because that phrase is hilarious. Man, Louis remembers it and lets out a watery sobbing laugh. It's sad, so sad. Louis hears that phrase resonates in his head like if it were a few minutes ago when Louis was pushing him out of the flat, off his life, crying and saying “I wish you were straight, Harry Styles.” And closing that door forever.At least, that's what he thought. Oh, poor, naive Louis.Or a story about ups and downs in a toxic relationship where Harry is young and lovely, but he's experiencing, deciding what he likes and who he likes; while Louis is also lovely and sassy, but he's sure of who he is and definitely sure of who he likes.





	1. the beginning of the end

**Author's Note:**

> Pleeeease, give it a chance! I might be shitty at summaries, but I really like the idea of this fic so much. I've always thought about writing but never had the balls to do it. Actually not, the thing is I never found something to write about, but once I listened "wish you were gay" by Billie Eilish, I knew it. So please, I'm begging you. Give my baby a chance.  
> Also, it would be great if you let me know whether you like it or not, so I know if I continue or stop writing.
> 
> Btw, I'm Mexican so if you notice any mistake of any, kind let me know so I can improve it :) 
> 
> Thank youuuuuu!
> 
> (As a disclaimer, because why not? I do not own any of the songs referenced in this book. I do not own One Direction nor anyone mentioned in this work.)

 

**2016 - December**

Louis never thought that at the age of 24, almost 25, he would be lying on his living room floor. Alone. No one around to hear him crying. No one around to see him falling down, apart and into pieces. God, Louis wishes he'd never met him. Who'd have imagined someone so beautiful, pure and lovely would make him feel so loved yet devastated? Certainly, Louis wouldn't. Honest to God, Louis had thought he was the love of his life. Louis had thought he himself was enough for that beautiful boy. But hey, life is shit, right? Life's a bitch that gives you the most amazing things you've only dreamed about, and then that bitch takes them away from you without a warning.

Louis never thought he would be one of those who collapse into pieces for someone. However, apparently he knows nothing about anything now.

“This is all your fault, you idiot,” Louis says to himself, “He told you. He warned you about it and you agreed, you stupid. Louis, seriously, stop crying. You don't deserve this, you deserve better. You deserve to be happy with a man who loves you just as much as you love him,” he continues between sobs.

Louis couldn't stop blaming himself about it. He was too pushy, too dependent, too needy when he was with that lovely boy. He know he was. But it wasn't his fault falling in love with the perfect man. Because God know that boy is perfect for him. For anyone, really. When Louis was with him, he felt so loved, so special, he was himself. Now, he's no one to recognize. He's a new person, so different… so lonely.

“Stop doing this, Louis. My goodness,” he says while wiping his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie.

He stands up slowly. Once he's standing, he looks down and sees his laptop, journal, pen and guitar. He doesn't even bother taking them from the floor. He just go to the bathroom, undress himself and stands under the running water. The water is too hot to burn his skin but Louis doesn't even flinch because he doesn't pay attention. After a breakdown, he's always like this. He acts in autopilot.

Commonly, breakdowns happen whenever he's  trying to work. So, he can work no more because if he works, he remembers and that hurts like hell. He can't write about happiness or love because he starts feeling miserable. However, he definitely can not write about sadness, broken hearts  or break ups because he starts feeling miserable too. So, Louis is fucked. He is so fucked up, he can't function anymore.

When Louis thinks he's cleaned enough the tears from his face and the sad thoughts from his head, mostly when he thinks can cry no more, he walks off the shower. He dries his body with a towel, trashes it to the laundry and then puts clean underwear on. He walks into his bedroom directly to his closet to get some clean and warms clothes, when he sees it and feels how his bottom lip starts shaking. He can't help it, he takes it. He takes that hoodie and puts it on. Immediately feeling warm and safe, like nothing bad could happen to him because he's wearing it.

He feels exhausted. He climbs to bed, goes under the duvet and reaches his phone that is charging on the bedside table. He unlocks it and sees a text from Liam and a missed call from his mom. He locks it again, closes his eyes and cries until he finally falls asleep.

**2015 - New Year's Eve**

It's loud. The music penetrates Louis’ ears once he opens the door. The light is off but there are some lasers lights. Green, yellow, pink, blue, red. Green, blue. Green, blue. Green, blue. And then all five colors again like an explosion. And the only thing he can think about is how the hell the person who lives in here put some laser light inside their flat. It’s insane.

Once he’s used to the noise, the lights and the crowd, goes to the table where the alcohol is, grabs a beer and takes a sip of it. He swallows it and it doesn’t taste bad but it’s not good either. Louis starts scanning around the flat, observing drunk people acting all drunk and fun. He is looking for his friend. “Where the fuck is he?,” Louis whispers.

Suddenly, someone hugs Louis from behind making him turn around and push the person making them laugh. “Louis, I can't believe you're here!,” says Liam in a very joyful way with a drink in his hand, “Man, you're always too busy to go out with me,” Liam continues pouting a little, clearly a little drunk. And for God's sake, it's only 9 pm. This is so funny, Louis kind of wants to see how drunk Liam is going to be at midnight. He smirks. He really can’t wait.

“Liam, it’s was just one time. Months ago, you dumb. And it was because I had that important meeting first time the next morning,” Louis says to a laughing Liam, “Also you act like if we didn’t see each other last week or the week before or the week before after that,” Louis continue rolling his eyes.

Liam takes a sip of his drink and says “Whatever, Lou. I just love you so much and I want to start 2016 with my very best friend!,” he starts jumping a little trying to hold back his excitement.

“And your boyfriend, right? I don’t think he’d be very pleased when you tell him you want to start the new year with me, right? We would be the only threesome in the room hugging each other while wishing them a happy new year. We are a weird couple, aren’t we?,” Louis says and then laughs, “Speaking of it, where is he?”

Liam opens his eyes wide and says “Shit, I forgot I had to wait for him outside the bathroom”, he walks to the bathroom and looks for his boyfriend, while Louis follows him. “But then I saw you, laughed a little because you look so small and cute in that large sized hoodie, and ran to you to give you a hug, you know? And I forgot about Zayn,” Liam keep walking but starts laughing again. “Oh Lord, I think I’m a little drunk.”

“You think so, mate? I think is perfectly normal to forget your so beloved boyfriend in the bathroom. It happens to me all the time,” Louis, who is walking behind Liam, says in a serious tone but a playful smirk appears in his lips.

Suddenly, Liam turns around which makes Louis runs into him. “Wait.  _ WHAT  _ ? You have a boyfriend and didn’t tell me? Louis, I thought you loved me. I thought we were  _ friends  _ ,” Liam says surprised and as soon as he stops talking, starts laughing so hard, “Oh my, I really think I’m drunk. For a second, I thought you were serious about the boyfriend thing, Lou.” Liam turns around and continues looking for Zayn.

Louis laughs and keep walking behind Liam, but then stops laughing. Does this fucker not think he can get a boyfriend? So he says “What’s so funny about “the boyfriend thing”,  _ Liam  _ ? You don’t think I’m handsome enough to get a boyfriend? Should I remember you I’m beautiful, funny, lovely and  _ per-fect  _ ?, while walking behind him.

Liam stops again and grabs Louis’ shoulders. “God, no, Louis! I know you are all that and more. Trust me, I know,. It’s just… you would have told me about it, right? We are so close. We are family. That’s it,” Liam says hugging him. “THERE YOU ARE,” Liam literally yells in Louis ear and stars walking in, Louis assume, Zayn’s direction.

“You left, fucker,” Zayn says but gives him a peck on his lips.

“I am so sorry. But,  _ HEY  _ I found Lou! See?,” Liam says while placing Louis in front of Zayn so he could see him. Liam’s drunk.

Zayn laughs and hugs Louis while saying “Yeah, babe, I see” to Liam.

Once they break the hug, Louis ask him “How much has he drank, Zayn? He’s so… weird, already,” and gives Zayn a look.

“I know, I know, but he’s happy. Let him be happy today and suffer tomorrow with and horrendous hangover,” Zayn say.

Louis shrugs and says “Okay, up to you, mate. He’s all yours.”

Liam just looks between them like if they were playing tennis.

“So whose this party?,” Louis asks because he really forgot what Liam and Zayn said when they invited him a week ago.

Zayn rolls his eyes and says, “Already told you like 7 days ago.”

“Already forgot like 6 days ago,” says Louis with a sarcastic smile.

In that moment, Liam laughs and tries to make Louis remember, “Lou, we told you about Niall, right? He works with Zayn at the art gallery, remember? We told you he was throwing a party and that he’s Irish so he throws amazing parties with lots of fun and alcohol. Remember now?”

“I’m not stupid, Liam, you don’t have to talk to me like if I were a kid,” Louis snorts with anger, “God,” continues pretending indignation, but then smiles making Liam laugh.

“Lou, don’t play with me while I’m this intoxicated by an Irish guy who makes the strongest drinks ever. I swear to God, those drinks have lots of alcohol,” Liam pleads.

Zayn hugs him and says to him, “Babe, I think we should stop drinking, yeah? Just until you feel better,” and then turns to Louis “But you, little lad,”

Louis interrupts him, “Fuck you, that was unnecessary”.

Zayn snorts with laugher, “... can go and have a drink. You see the blond guy? He’s Niall and is waiting for you. I’ve talked about you so much that he’s so excited to meet you.”

But when Louis turns around and tries to find the blond guy, the only person that catches his eyes is that lanky lad with curls and beautiful smile. He’s wearing black jeans and a black floral shirt with pink flowers and it looks so good on him. Louis stops himself from imagining him without it and on his bed.

While Louis can’t take his eyes off that beautiful guy, Zayn can’t help but mentions, “Lou, please don’t. Harry is lovely, but please don’t. He is… an amazing friend, really. But he’s not settled yet. Lou, are you listening?”

The only thing Louis lets out is, “Harry, you said?,” and leaves Zayn and Liam behind.

Louis never does these things. He never feels this way for anyone. So, there must be something special about this lad for him to be this interested. He feels so confident but when he starts approaching the lad, he begins feeling more and more insecure, all kind of questions and doubts flying inside his head.  _ What am I going to tell him? Would he even answer me if I talk to him? He’s so pretty, why the fuck would he talk to me? Oh my god, he’s talking to a girl, he’s straight.  _ He starts feeling nervous and decides to turn around and go to Liam and Zayn.  _ I’m so fucked  _ , is what he whispers because it’s too late. Louis is standing in front of him. Goddamnit, the only thing Louis can see are his hands because he is looking down. And they seem so strong, long fingers, tattoos and rings.  _ Fuck _ . Louis can feel a stare that is burning him so he lifts his head up, and when he does, he sees the most breathtaking green eyes he’s ever seen.

_  I really am so fucked  _ , Louis decides when he sees Harry smiling widely at him, dimples showed and all.

 


	2. never enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, pleeeeease, give this book a try!  
> I really hope you like it :)
> 
> Please, it would be very helpful if you leave me comments about hot to improve my writing! :)  
> And it would be lovely if you give me some kudos if you like it because I really want to keep writing this fic :(

 

**2015 (New Year’s Eve) - 2016 (January the 1st)**

 

Harry is mesmerized. He swears he's seen the ocean in the eyes of this beautiful boy standing in front of him. The ocean, the sky, the most gorgeous waterfall ever, Harry can't decide what he sees into his eyes. A galaxy, Harry finally gets it. He swears he sees the most infinite and beauteous galaxy ever. You can get lost in it if you stare long enough into those intense eyes. However, Harry is a sucker for that, so he keeps looking and smiling and waiting for the boy to say something.

“Hi,” the boy breathes out very softly and Harry thinks is like an angels’ choir, honestly.

“Hello, I’m Harry,” he continues the conversation expecting the boy to keep talking.

“‘m Louis,” the boy says with a grin on his lips, which makes Harry smile because it's a good thing watching the boy relax a little bit.

“Beautiful name, beautiful eyes, beautiful boy. I'm a lucky lad,” Harry says while keeping his eyes on Louis, “so, Louis…,” he continues but is roughly interrupted by someone.

“Hmm, Harry? Baby, what were you saying about going to your house?,” says the girl who's next to Harry in a very flirtatious way looking directly at Louis’ direction which makes Louis blush because obviously Harry is into girls.

“Oh, Kendall, ‘m so sorry, change of plans. See you later?,” Harry says politely to the girl and gives her a smile.

“Right. See you later,” she answers and gives him a peck on the corner of his mouth. When she's about to turn and leave, she rises an eyebrow and gives Louis a dirty look.

When Kendall is no longer there, Harry finally breathes out, “Louis, I'm so sorry about that. She's intense. You have no idea,” and chuckles. Somehow that makes Louis feel more relaxed and braver.

“No, it's my fault. I mean, what was I thinking? Coming into you when you you’re with someone? But what makes me feel better is that I didn't see her until I was in front of you. Too distracted to pay attention to her,” Louis confesses, shrugging and giving Harry a playful smirk.

“Is that so? Interesting. Good to know you find me distracting,” Harry says.

“You? Who says I was distracted because of you?,” Louis asks, looking really confused.

His comment makes Harry blush because his assumptions were wrong. Harry wants to die. He wants to be anywhere far away from here. He feels so stupid and is sure his face is screaming all his feelings.

“Oh, my God,” Louis laughs so hard covering his mouth, “Your face was priceless, Harold. I’ve never seen someone so blushed,” Louis continues laughing and sees Harry blushing even more. “But, relax. Obviously I was distracted by you, I mean, look at you. You are… beautiful.”

“Well, that’s new. Thank you. So do you. Beautiful. I mean, yeah. You too. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? Can’t speak properly now. Shit. Sorry,” Harry mumbles biting his lower lip.

“So you distract me and I make you nervous, right? That’s a great combination, eh?” Louis flirts a little.

“Well, yeah. I mean, not every day a gorgeous boy with galaxy eyes stands in front of you and calls you beautiful. So forgive me if I’m nervous,” Harry confesses with a smirk.

Louis smiles and asks “Galaxy eyes, hm?”

“Fuck, I said it out loud? Please, tell me you’re a mind-reader and that’s the reason you know that,” Harry pleads hiding his face in his hands.

Louis’ enjoying this because it feels so natural to talk to Harry and hopes Harry feels the same way about him.

“Sorry, love. You said it out loud but don’t feel embarrassed I think it’s kind of cute, you know? People had said I have nice eyes,” Louis batting his eyelashes, “but no one’s ever said I have galaxy eyes, you know? It’s original and thoughtful. Thank you, really, snotty eyes”.

That comment makes Harry lets out an awkward single laugh and covers his mouth.

“Mmh, the most precious sound on Earth,” Louis teases.

“Stop, please! I keep embarrassing myself in front of you. When I saw you, I thought our conversation would be way different from this,” Harry lets out. “You know? What are you going to think of me now? Uhg, that I’m awkward as fuck and have a funny laugh.”

“I tell you what I think about you so far. I think you are beautiful. Remember that’s the first compliment I gave you? I think you’re funny and original and clever and handsome. I think your smile is wow and your eyes are so electric, I was bothering you when I said snotty eyes, they are so precious,” Louis lets out his impression about him. “But if you want to spend the rest of the evening with me trying to make your first impression better, I’m up for it.”

Harry smiles so widely and blushes because of all those compliments.

“Yes, please! I mean, of course I want to make it better. It’s not that I want to spend time with you, nope. Nope at all,” Harry mumbles.

“Okay, Henry, right? Nice to meet you,” Louis gives him a smile and lets his hand out for Harry to shake it.

“Pleasure to meet you, Lucas,” Harry takes Louis so delicately and shakes it.

“Okay, I want to know everything about you. But first, I need another drink,” Louis mentions while showing Harry his empty cup.”

“Right, I can make you a drink if you want,” Harry offers.

“Sure, I was supposed to meet Niall and ask him but I never decline cute boys that ask me to make my drink,” Louis teases.

“Oh, Lord, why would you ask Niall to make you a drink? Are you suicidal? You want to die or something?” Harry questions him with a rising eyebrow.

“No,” Louis chuckles, “One of my best mates knows him and said Niall wanted to meet me.”

“Who’s your mate?” Harry asks curiously.

“Zayn. Zayn Malik,” Louis answers unsure.

“No way,” says Harry, surprised.

“Yes way,” Louis answers.

“I know Zayn! We work together! Well, kind of. He’s great. Great lad. So do you know, he does talk a lot about you. I’d wanted to meet you, you know? But somehow, it seemed like Zayn was keeping you away from us,” Harry mentions, “You know,saying you were busy or stuff like that.”

“I am a busy person, sorry,” Louis smiles.

“So, your drink?” Harry questions.

“Lead the way, Henry”

Harry takes Louis hand and walks them through the living room to the kitchen. Once there, he makes Louis drink, asks if it good and smiles shyly when Louis answers it’s perfect.

They come back to the living room and spend more time talking about everything and anything. Harry tells Louis he’s a photographer and that’s how he knows Zayn and Niall. Louis tells him he’s a songwriter and that’s why he’s busy sometimes.

They continue talking and drinking. They talk about their families and they feel that kind of connection whey realize they’re such mama’s boys and family guys. Harry talks about his sister, Gemma, and how she’s a writer while Louis talks about all his sisters, Lottie who’s wants to be a makeup artist, Felicitié who’s wants to be an editor, Phoebe and Daisy who are the older pair of twins, and Doris and Ernest, the new set of twins.

Harry and Louis keep talking and talking, feeling so comfortable around each other. They feel a very special connection that makes them feel like if they have known since kindergarten. They make fun and tease each other like if they were best friends and not two people who have met a couple hours ago.

They started talking in the living room. Then they were to the balcony. Now they are currently sitting on a loveseat. And right there and then, when Harry was having a sip of his drink, Louis blurts out, “So tell me, Harry, was that Kendall girl your girlfriend or something?”

Harry chokes a little and then starts coughing, “No. I mean, no,” Harry recomposes, “I don’t have a _partner_ right now. Not that I’m looking for one, if I’m being honest.”

In that moment, Louis face falls but tries to smile softly and says “Oh, well. That’s perfect because you’re so young. I mean, live and enjoy yourself a little more, right?”

“Exactly! I’m not looking for my one and only right now but I do not deny it when I like someone,” Harry confesses, blushed.

“Oh,” Louis whispers, “That’s great, Harry… I mean it,” when Louis about to say something else, he’s interrupted.

“5 minutes to midnight, lads!” someone screams and everybody starts cheering.

“Oh shit! Sorry, Harry, but I have to find Zayn. Liam would probably kill me if I’m not with them at midnight. See you around?” Louis stands up.

“Please, Lou. I’m gonna be waiting for you to come back to me after midnight,” Harry whispers when he gives Louis a hug.

“Okay, Harry. I’ll see you later then,” Louis says before he leaves and stars looking for his friends.

It’s 11:58 when he finds them.

“I was going to kill you if you weren’t with us at midnight,” is the first thing Liam says when he sees Louis.

“I know, Liam, but I’m here, right? Just on time” Louis rolls his eyes.

“You were with Harry?” Zayn asks

“Yeah, and we have to talk about it, Zayn,” Louis answers.

“I know, _fuck_ ,” Zayn whispers.

“10,” everybody starts screaming.

“9,” Louis only can see the green laser lights that fill the room.

“8,” more cheering.

“7,” _I’m not looking for my one and only right now_.

“6,” _but I do not deny it when I like someone_.

“5,” Louis’ fucked.

“4,” it’s whatever, right?

“3,” right?

“2,” _I’m gonna be waiting for you to come back to me._

“1,” _after midnight._

“HAPPY NEW YEAR,” Louis, Liam and Zayn scream and make a group hug.

When they break the hug, Louis feels someone’s hand on his shoulder and turns around.

“I let you have your group hug because I didn’t want Liam to kill you but there’s no one in this room I want to kiss midnight more than you, Lou, I want to start this year kissing _you_ ” Harry whispers and kisses him.

The kiss is soft like if they were just melting into each other’s mouths. Louis places his hands around Harry’s neck and Harry wraps his hands around Louis’ waist putting him so close. Harry feels Louis’ body heat and can’t help himself biting Louis lower lip. _Fuck_ , Louis thinks while opening his mouth a little but Harry’s tongue wastes no time and takes the opportunity to explore Louis mouth. That’s when the kiss starts being more heated with tongues and soft moans involved.

“I think we should go, don’t you?” Harry asks softly.

“Yeah, yeah. Go,” Louis responds and turns to Liam and Zayn, “Hey guys, I’m going home. See you tomorrow?”

“Sure thing, Lou,” Liam says “Hey, Harry”

“See you tomorrow, Lou,” Zayn mentions, “Bye, Harry,” while giving Harry a glare Louis can’t identify.

“Bye, guys,” Harry waves awkwardly.

“Love you, lads,” Louis hugs and kisses them goodbye.

Once they are done, Harry takes Louis’ hand and leads the to the exit.

When they’re out, Harry asks, “Where to?” and then kisses him so passionately Louis can’t take it. Harry runs his hands from Louis’ waist to his neck and grabs him like if Louis were going to vanish any second now.

“Mine,” Louis answers almost out of breath, “Please, let’s go to mine.”

“Whatever you want, Lou,” Harry kisses him again and again and again.

“Love, please… take me home,” Louis pleads so softly in Harry’s right ear, which causes Harry to let out a breathy moan.

“I feel like I just can’t get too much of you, baby,” Harry says in between kisses. Louis thinks Harry's saying that in a sexual way because they are kissing and about to head home. However, Harry's talking about Louis as a whole. He can't get enough of talking to him even though he met him 3 hours ago. Harry can't stop laughing and having fun with Louis. He can't get enough of Louis' smile, that smiles that reaches his galaxy eyes. 

When Louis says he lives 5 minutes away from there, Harry takes his hand and almost starts running and that makes Louis laugh, which is a good thing to make him feel less nervous. The walk to Louis’ flat is so… normal, they’re talking, laughing and teasing each other, the only difference now is that they walking holding hands.

Louis informs Harry they're almost there and Harry starts feeling so excited about being with Louis. Harry's imagination starts playing in his head, creating scenes about him and Louis that distracts him from what Louis saying. 

They arrive to the flat and when Louis about to open the door, Harry hugs him from behind and kisses his neck and murmurs, “I really can’t get enough of you, Lou,” while Harry’s tongue’s licks him and then bites delicately Louis’ lobe, which causes Louis to moan in pleasure.

Harry is thinking about how loud he can be in bed, when Louis opens the door and grabs Harry by his collar and kisses him urgently running his tongue on his lower lip asking for permission and Harry gladly opens his mouth. Harry moans when Louis runs his hands on his hair tighten his grip and pulling just a little. 

"Kinky, I love it," Louis teases while kissing him and unbuttoning Harry's jeans

“Bedroom?” Harry asks when he separates from Louis just enough to speak but then continues kissing him so hardly and needy that makes Louis moan into the kiss. 

“Yeah,” Louis whispers on Harry’s lips.

“Lead the way, Lucas,” Harry says and Louis laughs but takes his hand and Harry loves the way Louis’ soft hand fits perfectly in his.

When Louis opens the bedroom door, he asks Harry, “Are you sure you’re ready for me, Henry?”

Harry kisses him and pushes Louis to the bed, “I’ve never been more ready for something in my life, Lou.”


	3. A.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think so far; tell me if you like this chapter better because is longer and more detailed or if you like it better when it's short and less detailed.  
> It'd be really helpful!
> 
> Thank you so muuch!   
> If you're reading and giving my baby a chance, I already love you. 💕💕
> 
> PS. I know it has looots of mistakes but as soon as I finish the book, I'm gonna proofread it and correct all grammar, syntax and spelling mistakes.  
> PS 2. Let me know if you like the smut, I think I'm ganna need some feedback because I'd never written something like that before.

Harry kisses him and pulls Louis to the bed, while strats unbuttoning his shirt. Harry kisses Louis’s neck and chest, running his hands all over his abs. Louis arches his back trying to get more of Harry’s touch and moans quietly. Harry place his hands on Louis’ sides to keep him still and licks Louis’ left nipple and that causes Louis to let out a little cry. _Shit_ , Harry thinks, _this boy’s gonna be the death to me_. Harry starts licking his left nipple when takes the right one between his fingers and stimulates it. Harry thinks he’s doing a good job because suddenly Louis arches his back so much that their groins rub and both of them let out breathy moans.

“Harry, please,” Louis pleads and pulls Harry closer by his neck, “do something, love. You’re killing me here.”

Harry bites Louis’ neck, “Oh Louis, I’m gonna take so much care of you. But I wanna take my time, love. Is that okay with you?,” Harry asks in between kisses.

“Okay. Yeah. Just let me touch you, Harry,” Louis begs, “I want to feel you in my hand or in my mouth, Harry,” Louis sounds so desperate, “I want to make you feel good before you take your time with me.” Louis runs his hands to Harry’s jeans and unzippers it. “Please, Harry, just let me touch you or suck you off. I promise it’s gonna be worth it. _I’m_ gonna be worth it,” Louis says in his ear in a very sexy way. Damn it, Louis knows how to turn on a guy.

And well, Harry feels how his dick gets harder and harder because of Louis’ touch and words.

“ _Fuck_ , Lou,” Harry whispers, “I can’t believe you’re the same guy that was sweetly talking about his family a few hours ago. Now, you’re begging for my cock. _Shit, Lou_ ,” Harry continues but stops when feels how Louis grabs his dick.

“Harold, please. I’m begging you. Do not talk about my baby siblings when about to suck your cock,” Louis rolls his eyes and takes his hands off Harry’s boxers and rolls them over so he’s now on top of Harry. “Cross that, don’t talk about any family member, not when we’re about to get each other off,” Louis says unbuttoning Harry’s shirt and tossing it away and touches his chest, admiring the tattoos that adorn him. Louis kisses his nipple and runs his hands all over his chest. “...or when we’re about to fuck,” Louis kisses his other nipple, “let’s never talk about family when we’re about to do funny business, yeah?” Louis keeps kissing Harry’s chest and then blurts out, “My God, Harold, how many precious nipples do you have?,” but licks them all, making Harry moan deliciously.

“Just four,” Harry whispers unable to speak properly.

“Mmh, interesting. I’m gonna have four times more fun. But not now, love… maybe later, yeah?,” Louis asks while licking his abs on this way down Harry’s crotch. Harry wiggles under Louis’ touch. “Can I, Harry?,” Louis asks, tugging Harry’s jeans.

“Hell yeah, Lou,” Harry answers softly, “You can do whatever you want, babe.”

Louis just smirks and says, “Wrong, wrong answer, love,” and takes his jeans and boxers down at the same time.

“ _Jesus_ , Harry. Love, you really are beautiful. All naked and at my mercy,” Louis mumbles and kisses Harry’s inner thigh.

“Louis, this is not fair,” Harry moans a little because Louis’ now biting his thigh, “I’m all exposed, naked… and you’re fully... Oh, _fuck_ , stop doing that while I’m talking. Can’t concentrate.”

Louis chuckles, “You want me to undress myself, love?”

Harry sits up quickly, “I can help. Here, let me take your shit off.” Louis nods, kneeling in front of Harry.

Harry runs his hands through Louis’ chest, tracing his tattoos, then places his hands on Louis’ shoulders and slowly starts caressing Louis’s arms taking his shirt down on his way. Once Louis’ shirtless, Harry bites his lower lip, trying to contain the moan he thinks he’s about to let out and says “Pants off. Now.”

“Ugh, you’re so demanding. What did I drive myself into?,” Louis teases but smiles and stands up takes his jeans and boxers down.

“Lou, you’re… so… I can’t describe it,” Harry confesses, “You’re perfect, Lou.”

“No, please don’t,” Louis says while placing himself between Harry’s thighs and caressing them so softly and makes Harry squirm a little. “I hate that word. _Perfect_. I don’t even know what perfect means. The only thing I know is that I’m not perfect,” says Louis and licks his hand.

Harry watches what Louis’ doing and opens his eyes wide comically. Before he can say something, Louis takes Harry’s dick in his hand. Up and down. Up and down. Over and over and over again. Harry opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

“Finally, babe, so good to have you in my hand,” Louis buries his head on Harry’s neck and sucks a mark.

“ _Utopian_ ,” Harry utters and unsure if Louis hears him.

“What?,” Louis asks because he thinks he’ heard it wrong, but he doesn’t stop his moves. He runs his thumb around Harry’s head and hears how Harry starts breathing faster and broken. He assumes he’s doing a good job so he starts kissing Harry’s abs and goes lower and lower until his mouth is close Harry’s dick but not as close as Harry wants.

“I’m waiting, Harry, c’mon, tell me” Louis demands and blows some air into his dick head.

“ _Ah_ , Louis, please. Just… take it in your mouth. _Please_ . Just. Now?,” Harry pleads and Louis raises an eyebrow. “Fuck, Louis, who’s the demanding one?,” Harry chuckles but continues, “You’re utopian, happy? Can you suck me off _now_?”

“Care to elaborate, Harold?,” Louis requires and Harry rolls his eyes, which makes Louis rolls his eyes as well. What a couple, right? Perfect for each other.

“If you don’t like to be described as perfect, then you’re,” Harry explains and, in that precise moment, Louis decides to take him in his mouth because he teases for life. Harry moans so loud and looks down at Louis, who raises his eyebrow and gives him a glare. Without saying a word, Louis’ demanding him to continue his explanation. “You’re such a tease. I hate…,” Harry continues but stops when Louis takes him deeper and deeper, “ _you_.”

Louis moves his tongue around Harry’s dick and starts bobbing his head, but when he realizes Harry’s not talking anymore, he takes his mouth off Harry and says, “I’m not gonna continue if you don’t tell me, love,” but then takes him in.

“Okay, yeah. Utopian. You are, yeah,” Harry tries. He really tries to explain and contain his moans as much as possible. “You’re ideal, _fuck,_ keep doing that, Lou,” he continues and commands when Louis starts deepthroating. “You’re not perfect but you’re... _ideal_ , _fuck_ , My ideal kisses, my ideal blowjob, my ideal handjob. _Oh, Lou_ ,” Harry moans and keeps going, “My ideal eyes and smile. My ideal conversation. Lou, you’re my utopian person.”

Louis listens carefully without stopping bobbing his head and moans around Harry’s dick. Louis feels like he’s about to explode from Harry’s beautiful explanation, but he can’t stop now. He moves his head faster and deeper, as fast and deep as he can. Harry lets out loud moans and then tugs Louis hair.

“ _Lou_ , you should stop. I don’t want to come yet. Please, Lou. _Please_ ,” Harry pleads but he’s not sure what he’s begging for. Louis feels Harry’s desperation and takes him out. When he stops, Harry feels like he’s missing the heat of Louis' mouth around him already. Harry takes Louis’ hand, pulls him, and kisses him deeply. Louis places his legs on both sides of Harry and Harry is hugging him impossibly closer

“Such a charmer, right? You’re always a sap, Harry?,” Louis teases, running his hands around Harry’s chest and stopping in his nipples.

“I’m just saying the truth, Lou,” Harry answers honestly, and moans when feels Louis touching his nipples. “My turn now, Lou, I’m gonna make feel _so good_. You have no idea.”

Harry turns them over so he’s on top of Louis now and starts caressing Louis chest and legs, kissing everywhere he can reach and leaving marks where he feels like it. “Lou, you have lube and condoms, right?,” Harry implores.

“Yeah, first drawer,” Louis answers quickly, pointing to the bedside table.

Harry stands up, goes to the bedside table, opens the first drawer to reveal a bottle of lube and an box of condoms, grabs them and places them on the pillow next to Louis head. When he’s about to climb into bed again, he takes a moment to admire Louis. He’s gorgeous, tan, small, curvy but manly, skinny but seems so strong. He’s _ideal_ , not perfect. _Ideal_. Harry breathes in and out and sees how Louis lets out his hand for Harry to take it, so he does. Louis pulls Harry closer and closer until he’s on top of him. Harry’s between Louis thighs and Louis has his legs wrapped around Harry’s waist and they kiss.

Harry is done. He can’t wait too much, so he goes south and kisses Louis’ happy trail. Harry takes Louis in, slowly at first but then he starts bobbing his head more and more until he feels Louis’ hands pulling on his hair, so he lifts his head and smiles.

“You should stop if you want to fuck me, love,” Louis says and gives Harry the bottle of lube and a condom.

“Of course I want to fuck you, Lou. I’ve wanted to fuck you since I first so you tonight,” Harry admits and puts some lube on his fingers. “So beautiful, Lou,” licks Louis’ dick. “I’ve wanted this all night,” Harry whispers on his thigh and finally asks, “How do you want it, love?.”

“Like this. I want to see you. I want to touch you. I want it all, love,” Louis answers and moans when feels Harry’s finger on his entrance, pushing in just a little. “Please, Harry, I _need_ it,” Louis pleads and Harry obeys.

Harry indulges Louis heavenly, pushing his finger in slowly but when Louis rocks his hips down his finger, Harry takes the hint and increases the speed and makes circles with his finger just to feel Louis groans. Harry bites Louis abs and Louis whines loudly, “ _There_ , babe.” And Harry pleases moving his finger and brushes that spot again but then stops to add a second finger. Louis whines in pleasure and in pain at the intrusion but, after a little, he relaxes and rocks his hips on Harry’s fingers. Harry keeps rocking his fingers in and out, scissoring them inside Louis, causing him to arch his back.

“Harry, ‘m ready,” Louis urges, “I am, I promise.”

“Not yet, Lou. I want to taste you now. Remember how you teased me? Now it’s my turn, babe,” Harry grins at Louis.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Louis moans when feels Harry’s tongue licking where his fingers are.

“Is this okay, Lou? I mean, are you comfortable with this?,” Harry asks, looking at Louis.

“YES!,” Louis literally screams,  “I mean, yeah, it’s fine… if you really want to do it. I’m fine with…” but Louis doesn’t get to finish that idea because Harry’s tongue is now in his rim trying to push in along with his two fingers. “ _Fuck_ , Harry.” Louis rocks his hips down wanting Harry’s tongue and fingers deeper and he succeeds. Harry’s tongue and fingers are now inside Louis and it feels amazing. Harry moves his fingers and takes his tongue in and out. Harry scissors his fingers inside Louis and sucks Louis’ rim. He's doing all the right things. And Louis can only think  _HarryHarryHarry_. Louis’ just moaning and whimpering, gripping the duvet under him.

“Harry, please… _Now_?,” Louis about to cry from pleasure. He can’t take it anymore.

“Now, babe. We’re ready,” Harry complies, kissing Louis.

Harry puts the condom on and places himself on Louis entrance, while caressing Louis’ thighs. Louis takes Harry’s hand and it seems like his begging.

“Start slow, yeah?,” Louis asks quietly and blushes, “It’s been a while since, you know.”

“A while?,” Harry’s curiosity shows up.

“Yeah, I don’t know… A couple of months? I told you I’d been busy,” Louis answers and blushes furiously.

“I’ll be as gentle as you need me to be, Lou,” Harry kisses his lips, his cheeks and his forehead. “Just talk to me, yeah? Tell me if it’s too much or if you need me to stop or if you want me to go harder and faster, yeah? Tell me _anything_ . Don’t _ever_ stop talking to me.” Harry asks desperately.

Louis doesn't know what Harry means, “Sure thing, love,” but he assures him, “Now, fuck me slowly.”

Harry, who’s at Louis entrance, pushes in slowly. Both of them moan at unison. Louis thought I was going to be too much but Harry prepared him so good. It feels like heaven with just a hint of pain. Harry sees black. He’s never had someone that feels like this. It’s too much and tries to go as slow as he can. However, Louis thinks Harry’s being too gentle, so he wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and presses him against him. That change of angle makes both moan.

“Fuck me properly, Harry,” Louis implores and kisses him, ”I thought it was going to feel painful but you prepped me _so_ good.”

That’s the only thing Harry needed to heat to start thrusting a little more and more and more, making both of them whimper.

“ _Harder_ , love,” Louis begs, “I can take you all the way in, I _swear_.”

“ _God_ , Louis, stop talking. I’m not gonna last if you talk like that,” Harry says and thrusts into Louis as hard as he can, while sucking a mark on Louis’ neck. Louis legs hug Harry harder and closer. Both of them breathing heavily. Harry thrusts Louis with a quick pace. They can’t stop moaning. They are sweating. When Harry hits Louis’ prostate over and over again. Louis literally cries and scratches Harry’s back, what causes Harry to moan and fuck Louis harder. Louis about to come when Harry pulls out.

“I don’t want to come yet. Turn around,” Harry demands and Louis obeys quickly.

When Louis’ on his hands and knees, Harry buries inside him just at once and both of them cry in pleasure. Harry can't control himself and thrust harder every time.

“Babe, I've never had someone that feels as good as you,” Harry covers Louis with his body from behind, takes his hands in his, and buries his face on Louis’ neck and suck hard. He keeps thrusting slowly but deeper.

“Harry, I'm gonna come. Please let me see you. _I need_ to touch you, please,” Louis whispers trying to get out of Harry's grip, but Harry turns Louis over so easily. They are face to face, looking into each other’s eyes. And before Louis realizes what's happening, Harry's between his legs, deep inside him thrusting merciless. “ _Ah_ , right there, love, _ah, Harry_ … I want to come with you.”

Harry thrusts and says, “Come, love. _Now_ ,” Harry orders and that's all Louis needs to release untouched between their bodies, moaning so loud and almost in tears. Harry thrusts once more and comes inside the condom, kissing and biting Louis’ lips.

They spend a few minutes trying to catch their breaths, Harry’s still on top of Louis and Louis’ now hugging Harry. They stay in a comfortable silence, Harry’s face hidden on Louis’ neck, breathing in his scent when Louis decides it’s time to say something.

“It’s a good thing I forgot to turn the heating off, mhh?,” Louis jokes, “Otherwise, our balls would’ve been frozen by now.”

“Charming as always, Lou,” Harry laughs and gets out of Louis, discarding the condom on the bin that’s near the bed. “I can’t believe I got someone as romantic as you.”

“Hey, I took good care of you, didn’t I? I kept you warm,” Louis protests, moving to the right to let Harry lie down next to him.

Once Harry’s lied down, turns his body so he’s face to face with Louis. “Babe, you’d have kept me warm even if the heating was off,” Harry flirts and smirks.

“Cheeky, like it,” Louis teases, “Hey, you’re tired?”

“I’m so tired but I don’t want to go to sleep. I want to keep talking to you, you know?,” Harry confesses, “Because I don’t know if tomorrow you’ll keep talking to me. I definitely would love it. But, I mean, you know? Remember what I told you before?,” Harry rambles, “I don’t know what you’re looking for. If you want someone to, you know, date, I can’t be that right now. Not because of you because you’re perf… marvellous,” Harry corrects himself and continues, “but it wouldn’t be fair to you because, in this precise moment, I’m not meant to settle down,” Harry finishes, looking anywhere else but Louis’ gaze.

“Harry, really? I might have been a little drunk but I remember perfectly what you said. I _know_ you’re not interested in something serious. _This_ ,” Louis says, pointing between them, “was a decision I took and don’t regret… Let me tell you, you’re _amazing in bed_ , Harold,” Louis continues making Harry blush. “But in all seriousness, Harry, you told me and I accepted it. If anyone’s, this is my fault. You should not feel bad about this.”

Harry seems to be taken aback. Definitely, he wasn’t expecting that kind of answer. He was expecting the typical _“Fuck you, Harry” answer_ he always receives when having this conversation. It’s not that Harry is mean. He’s not. He’s a sweetheart, but he’s not sure yet. He likes people. He doesn’t like genders. However, he wants to be one hundred percent sure about it. Is it a crime to want to know what you like before making important decisions, like... dating someone?

“I’m so really sorry I’m not what you’re looking for, Lou,” Harry apologizes, “I just…,” he continues but stops when Louis place his index finger on his lips.

“Harry, really, it’s fine. I already told you it’s fine,” Louis tries to convince him but Harry doesn’t agree, “Would it make you feel better if I pinkie promise I’m totally okay with your decision of not wanting more? I swear, I’m an adult, Harry, give me some credit, please. I’m not gonna feel bad about this being, you know, a one night stand,” Louis promises.

“But that’s exactly what I don’t want it to be, Lou,” Harry blurts out and looks Louis in the eyes, “I mean, I want to get to know you better. I want us to be friends. I want to talk to you like we talked today. It felt so normal, you know? Being with you feels so normal to me. You felt it too, right?,” Harry asks.

“Of course I felt it too, Harry,” Louis confesses. “But what do you want? I mean, you want us to forget about this and being friends?”

Harry inhales and looks so conflicted, “I know it’s selfish to ask you that. I’m being selfish because I don’t want to let you go… because I want to keep you close. But I’m trying to be as honest as possible, if we keep taking, we’re just gonna be friends because I don’t want to hurt you, Lou. I know I shouldn’t be asking you to do this. I know. God, what am I doing? Asking you to be friends when we just fucked a few minutes ago? What’s wrong with…” Harry rambles, looking like a puppy.

“I can try… I mean, we can be friends, if that’s what you want,” Louis answers. This is so wrong. He thinks this is a bad idea. It’s so obvious Harry’s not interested. In fact, he just expressed his lack of interested in dating. And it’s so obvious Louis’ interested in him. This is gonna end so badly. Louis can imagine how the end is going to be. It’s not pretty. At least not for him. But he wants to try it, he’s not ready to let Harry go just yet either. It’s not like he’s in love, he just finds Harry super fit.  But he really wants to be close to Harry. And if the only way of being close to him is being just friends, then he so he’s gonna be his friend. They’re gonna be the best of the mates. Ever. _Bad idea_.

“Are you.. Lou, are you sure? I really can’t ask you to do that,” Harry breathes out, keeping his eyes’ on Louis’.

Louis tries to look relaxed and laughs a little, “I’m sure, mate. We’re already friends, right? Well, at least, I feel like we’re friends. Don’t you?”

“I do! Thank you, Lou,” Harry says shyly.

This’ definitely not the conversation Louis expects to have after having sex but he tries to acts like everything okay, “Nothing to thank me for, Harry. Hey, you want some sweats to sleep in?,” Louis asks while standing from the bed and putting his boxers. Louis walks to his closet, he really doesn’t want to continue this conversation. Harry stands and puts his boxers on too.

When Louis’ opens his closet, he feels Harry’s arms wrapped around his waist and Harry’s lips on his right cheek. “You don’t need to do this, Lou. I can easily go home,” Harry says, “I actually live like less than 10 minutes away.”

“Don’t be stupid, Harry,” Louis rolls his eyes, freeing himself from Harry’s arms, “We’re friends. I’m not gonna let you go out in the middle of the night all by yourself,” and gives Harry a pair of sweats, grabbing a pair for himself.

“Thank you, Lou,” Harry says and puts them on, going back to bed and lying there waiting for Louis. “Are you sure this is not gonna be weird to you?”.

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis’s putting the sweats on when says, “This is the last time I’m gonna say it, ok? Everything’s _ok_ . _We’re fine_ . We’re _friends_. There, now go to sleep, loser,” Louis demands and

“This is fine. Friends do _this_ , right? Friends can sleep in the same bed,” Harry whispers into the duvet, “Friends are good to each other, just like you’re good to me.”

“Sure, Harry,” Louis whispers back, burying himself into the warming of his bed.

“Thank you for being my friend, Lou,” Harry says, “And since we’re gonna be the best of the friends, I want to know all about you. Now.”

“Aren’t you tired?,” Louis questions with a raising eyebrow.

“I think I’m tired but also very excited, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to sleep right now,” Harry confesses, “Pleeeeease, let’s talk a little bit longer.”

“Fine, weirdo,” Louis smiles, “Tell me your favorite color.”

“I’ve always been quite fond of blue,” Harry responds, “Yours?”

“I think green,” Louis says, “What about your favorite number?”

“Eleven, I don’t know why, though,” Harry answers back. “What about yours?”

“Seven, lucky number, right?,” Louis smiles.

“I really love pillow talking, you know? All my favourite are always made in the A.M. This one's the best one so far,” Harry confesses, making Louis smile.

And so it goes. They talk about their favourite food and about their hobbies. They spend so much time talking about what they want to do and be in the future. The conversation flows from hobbies and favorite things to deeper subjects. Harry feels like crying when he listens how Louis’ biological father left them when Louis almost a newborn and how his mom had to work so hard for both of them to be economically stable. Now Harry understands why Louis loves her so much. But then Louis talks about how lovely was his real father, Mark, and even though his mom and Mark aren’t together, Louis loves him so much. They talk about their families for a long time. Harry talks about how Gemma brought his long-term boyfriend to Christmas dinner and they talk about Christmas’ traditions.

“WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOUR BIRTHDAY’S CHRISTMAS EVE?!” Harry literally shouts, “You horrible, horrible human being.”

“I don’t know when your birthday is, Harold, do I?” Louis rolls his eyes.

“February. February the 1st,” Harry responds.

And they continue talking about Harry’s passion for photography, and while Harry rambles non-stop about it, Louis smiles and listens attentively, When Harry asks about Louis’ songwriting, Louis just smiles but says nothing about it. His arguments is “I don’t want you to think different of me,” to what Harry responds, “I’m gonna find out eventually, you’ll see,” and Louis says, winking “Doubt it, H, only my family knows about it and they are never gonna tell you if ask them not to. They love me that much.” Harry’s curious, “What about Zayn and Liam?”, and Louis just shrugs, “They’re family too.”

The conversation lasts hours until they can’t think properly anymore and fall asleep. The last thing Louis thinks before going into unconsciousness is _I think I really can do it, I can befriend Harry_ . The last thing Harry thinks before falling asleep is _What the fuck am I going to do to not fall for him?_


	4. friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many ideas that is hard to put'em in order! But I'm getting there and I'm really loving writing this.
> 
> Btw, I'm a dialogue person but I think normal people like details more than dialogue so please let me know if you're liking it so far or if you would you like more details or more dialogue on it. Feedback is so, so helpful for me. 
> 
> Guys, I love you. You literally don't know how happy your comments and kudos make me. You're the best <3

Harry wakes up the next morning with someone’s chest pressed to his back, arms wrapped around his waist and a soft breathing in the back of his neck, and he feels happy and comfortable. That feeling scares him as fuck because now he remembers. He remembers how good everything felt last night. How amazing Louis felt around his dick. How marvellous Louis treated him after that conversation. Harry can’t imagine being so kind to someone who, after fucking him, asks him just to be friends. Louis’ surprisingly extraordinary. After just one night talking to him, he can already tell Louis the kindest and sweetest person ever. Just like he’d always imagined when listened Zayn talking non-stop about him.

This’ll be the hardest thing ever, but he asked for it, right? It’s his decision, he’s not ready to settle down and he doesn’t want to hurt anyone in the process of deciding what he likes. For sure, he doesn’t want to hurt Louis, like, at all. So he stands up to his decision. It’ll be hard as hell, but he can do it. He’s ready to have Louis close, even if he has to repress his will of wanting more. He’s not ready yet, he convinces himself, not ready for this.

Harry wants to stay in bed all day wrapped in Louis’ arms but he needs to go to the bathroom so he tries his best to free from Louis grip. Unfortunately, he doesn’t succeeds and tries to turn around so he could whisper-asks Louis to let him go to the bathroom.

“Lou,” Harry murmurs, giggling a little, “Lou, I really need to have a wee.”

Louis groans, “Then go,” Louis mumbles, “who the fuck is stopping you?”

“You, actually,” Harry giggles, touching Louis’ arms, “You have your arms all over me.”

Finally, Louis opens his eyes in surprise, unwrapping his arms off Harry’s waist, “Oh, sorry,” says Louis, sitting and leaning his back to the bed headboard, “You can go now.”

Harry chuckles and stands up and goes to the bathroom. When he comes back Louis’ lain down again, so Harry reclines next to him.

“It feels good, isn’t it? Not to be hungover and be able to remember what you did the night before, I mean,” Louis the first one who speaks after a few moments of comfortable silence.

“I know, right? That’s the first thing I thought when a I woke up,” Harry says. Lies, but he can’t tell him his first thought was that he felt happy being in Louis’ arms.

“Mhm…” Louis agrees, “So, what are you going to do today?”

“My mom and Gemma are coming over,” Harry explains, “So we’ll be at home and have some lunch and probably watch a movie, I’m not quite sure. What about you?”

“Well, mom and the girls went to spend the holidays with Dan’s family,” Louis tells, “But I had lots of work, so I couldn’t make it,” Louis continues, “And Zayn and Liam are the marriedest couple ever, so they’re having their families over for a couple of days.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re going to spend the first day of the New Year all by yourself?,” Harry questions, looking curious and troubled.

“Of course not, Harry,” Louis laughs, “I’m going to spend the day with the love of my life,” while standing up, and walks to corner of the room.

“Excuse me? You have a boyfriend?,” Harry blurts out and watches Louis kneeling down and then standing up again. Harry can’t see what Louis’ doing because the only thing he sees is his back. “You should’ve told me, Lo…”

“I introduce you to Mr. Quill.I.Am Shakespeare,” Louis proclaims, lifting the cutest hedgehog Harry’s ever seen, just like Rafiki does at Simba’s presentation ceremony, “Or just Quilliam Shakespeare. Or just Quilliam. Or Quill. Or Shakes, you know, short for Shakespeare. Or Snoop Hedgehog. His name depends on my mood. I love him so much, he’s my baby,” says Louis, walking to bed again.

“Oh. My. God. You have a hedgehog!,” Harry exclaims in excitement, “He’s the sweetest hedgehog I’ve ever seen!,” Harry expresses, thrilled.

“Had you ever seen one before mine?,” Louis’ curious.

“Well, no…” Harry blushes, “but that doesn’t mean he’s not the sweetest thing I’ve seen in my life. Can I carry him? Does it hurt? The spikes, I mean.”

“No, it doesn’t hurt but it feels kind of funny. Here,” Louis says, putting Quill.I.Am in Harry’s hands, “Just keep in mind, _sometimes_ he bites when feeling in danger. And, _probably_ , he’s gonna self-anointing, you know,” Louis explains when Quill starts moving in Harry’s hands. “When he smells or tastes something that’s unusual for him, he produces saliva and licks his spines but that’s normal. Don’t worry, he’s harmless.”

Louis watches how excited Harry is playing with Quill in his hands and then on the bed when Harry resumes the conversation.

“So you have no plans today?, Harry asks, caressing Quill’s spines.

“Not really, probably I’m gonna work a little,” Louis answers, trying to steal Quill from Harry. He couldn’t, Harry’s not letting Quill go.

“Don’t you fucking dare taking him away from me,” Harry challenges him, “You’re coming with me and it’s over.”

“What?,” Louis’ lost, he doesn’t understand what Harry’s talking about.

“You’re coming with me to spend the day with my mom and Gems,” Harry declares like he’ll  not take a no for an answer.

Louis breathes heavily, “Harry, I really don’t think it’s a good idea, I mean, you should spend the day with your friends and family. I really don’t want to intrude, it’s just…” Louis continues but Harry interrupts him, not even looking at him, his eyes are glued to Quill.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you’ll say. Nothing’s gonna change my mind. You’re coming, that’s final. Besides, you said I should spend the day with friends and family, and that’s exactly what I going to do. Mom, Gemma, you and me. Together. Friends and family, right?,” Harry rushes to say, “Now go get ready, take a shower and change your clothes, They’ll be here around 3 and it’s already 1. I can’t believe we overslept.”

“Are you really, Mr. I want to talk to you forever or until I fall asleep?,” Louis teses, imitating Harry’s voice.

“Hey, sorry for wanting to talk to you, Louis,” Harry pouts, one hand holding Quill and the other one pushing Louis out of bed, “Now go, shoo, take a shower and come back to me when you’re ready.”

“If he’s too much, just put him in his house,” Louis says pointing to Quill and to his cage that has a shelter on the side connected to the cage where Quill has his hay feeder and drinking bottle, “And make sure he’s warm all the time but not that much, okay? I know I’m not gonna take that long on the shower but he’s my baby. Don’t let anything happen to him. Or I kill you,” Louis threatens, walking to the closet and grabbing a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt and a blue jumper. When he’s about to head out of the bedroom, he stops and says, “By the way, if you’re hungry, feel free to have anything you like. Yesterday you saw where the kitchen is,” and Harry nods.

When Louis goes in the bathroom, Harry stands up with Quill.I.Am in his hand and goes to the kitchen to take something easy to eat because he doesn’t want to let go of Quill just yet. He grabs an apple and starts eating, walking to the bathroom and yelling just so Louis can hear him, “Can Quill.I.Am eat some apple, Lou?,” giggling a little when hears Louis saying, “Jesus Christ, Harold, what’s wrong with you? And yes, apple’s fine but just a little, okay? Now get the fuck out of here,” Louis screams, “ _Fuck_ , I have shampoo in my eye! Go away, Harry, let me suffer in private.” Harry giggles.

It’s so normal to be around Louis. It’s so normal to be in _his_ house wearing _his_ sweats with _his_ pet. Louis trusts so much, Harry thinks, but then he rethinks the idea. Harry would have probably done the same. He trusts Louis blindly after just one night. He knows everything about him and his family, and vice versa. However, he forces himself to stop because he can’t think that way. They are nothing more than friends. And they will never be more than that.

Harry goes into bed with Quill. They both eat apple and play for a little before Louis comes into the room all beautiful in that blue jumper that emphasizes his blue eyes gorgeously. Louis’ literally takes Harry’s breath away. This cannot happen.

“You ready, Harry?,” Louis asks.

“Ermh, not yet, I mean. I still wearing your sweats,” Harry responds, standing up, walking and putting Quill in his cage.

“Oh, that’s fine. You can borrow them and give them back whenever, mate,” Louis promises, “Now let’s go I don’t want you to blame me for being late.”

However, Harry decides to get change into his clothes. So, when his ready, they go out of the flat building, Louis suggests, “You said you lived less than 10 minutes away, let’s do a bet.”

“Okay,” Harry responds unsure.

“Relax, princess Harriet,” Louis rolls his eyes. “I say you live 6 minutes away.”

“Mmh, I’ll go with 8,” Harry decides. “What are we betting?”

“Dinner. Tomorrow?,” Louis proposes.

“You’re on, Lou.” Harry says.

They set the timer on and start walking and talking about everything and anything. They realize they don’t have each other’s numbers, so Louis puts his number on Harry’s phone and sends himself a text. They talk about what they’re gonna have for dinner and decide they want to watch _Love, Rosie_. And suddenly they’re in front of Harry’s building. 6 minutes.

Louis smiles and says, “I can’t believe I got it”, Louis laughs, “You’re an idiot.”

Harry pouts and hits Louis’ arm, “Stop being mean, Lou. You’re the worst.”

“No, mate,” Louis fights back, “You are, apparently.”

“Stop it!,” Harry says walking inside the building.

They get to Harry’s flat and open the door. When they’re inside, Louis decides he likes Harry’s flat. It’s so artistic. Full of photos that transmit life and hope, even though most of them are black and white. Harry’s flat is modern and elegant, but homey and friendly. It has an adequate balance.

“I like it, H,” Louis compliments, “It’s amazing. All of them are yours?,” he points to the photos that are on the living room wall and starts walking there.

“Yes, Most of them are my family,” Harry explains and touches a picture of a beautiful woman, “She’s my mom,” and then touches another one, “and this is Gemma,” and continues showing Louis pictures of Robin and Niall.

“I don’t remember but I think I saw him yesterday. I’m not sure, though,” Louis says when he sees Niall’s photo.

“You’ll meet him soon, don’t worry. You’ll get along so well,” Harry promises.

Louis sits in front of the telly and Harry gives him a snack so he could be able to eat later. Harry decides on taking a shower before his mom and Gemma arrive.

“Lou,” Harry says when he’s about to enter into the bathroom, “could you, pleeease, answer the door if mom and Gems arrive early?,” Harry pleads.

“Ermh, sure if that's what you want,” Louis responds, suddenly this situation feels so wrong. How on Earth did he agree to this? This should be family and close friends time, for God's sake. So he expresses out, “Hey, Harry, you think this is a good idea? I mean, they don't know me and I'm, well… I'm me. And you're you. And they're your family. What if they get mad I'm here? I mean, I'm, like, violating your quality time together, aren't I? What if they hate me for being here when they just wanted to be with you? Harry, I think I'm leav…”

Harry gets closer to him and takes Louis’ hands in his, “Why are you like this? Louis, they'll love you. You're so charming and captivating. Gems and you have so much in common. And mom’ll love because you're funny and so intelligent. Please don't do this. Don't doubt yourself around me. Never, Lou,” Harry says, letting go of his hands when sees Louis nods shyly in agreement.

“Okay. Yeah, okay. I can do it,” Louis breathes out, “Now, fucking go a take a shower or I won't open the door. God, you stink. Ugh, disgusting,” Louis sasses. Since always he's know sassiness is his self defense mechanism. Every single time he feels vulnerable, he sasses. Since he's with Harry, he just sasses because it's an habit, he doesn't sass to make him feel bad. It's stupid, Louis knows he hurts people doing it, but he can't help it. Give him a break, he's been his entire life like this, it's hard to change.

Harry smiles once he hears Louis’ words. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Harry agrees.

“Harry, I’m always right,” Louis raises an eyebrow and smirks, ”Now, _go_.”

When Harry goes into the shower, Louis sits on the couch and unlocks his phone, seeing two messages from different people. Since Louis has priorities and loves his family, he opens his mom’s first.

**Mom**

_Boo, I really I hope you’re having a wonderful time with Liam and Zayn. I’ll see you when we’re home, right? Love you so so much, Mom xxxxxx PS. The girls send all their love and best wishes to you as well xxx_

Louis starts typing his reply right away.

_I’ll see you when you’re home, mom, I promise. I love you, guys, so much! I hope everyone is having a good time at Dan’s. Love youuuuu xxxx_

The second message is, of course, from Zayn.

**Zayn**

_Louuuu, Happy New Year again! Liam and I love you so so much! We’ll see you at 8, yeah? We really need to talk about Harry. Love you tons, mate xx_

“Shit,” Louis whispers, “I forgot.”

_Mate, love you! I’m so sorry I think I’m not gonna make it tonight. I’m actually at Harry’s. But trust me, I know I must talk. I really love you guys! xx_

“He’s gonna hate me. Help me, Lord,” Louis’s speaking to himself when he hears someone's’ knocking at the door and jumps, “Fuck,” Louis says, standing up and walking to the door.

Just when Louis about to open the door, he hears someone whispering on the other side “Mom, I know you love meeting new people but remember Harry told not to overwhelm this Louis guy,” and WHAT? Harry told them he was going to be here and told them not to be too much.

“I know,” other person whispers back, “I’m just so excited, okay? This is the first time he introduces someone that’s not Niall.”

Someone that’s not Niall. Does Harry not introduce friends to his family? And he’s going to let Louis meeting them after just one day? Wow. Louis can’t process all that information just now, so he opens the door and smiles timidly. It’s all about genes and DNA, Louis thinks. Harry family’s all beautiful. Gemma’s stunning and has a natural beauty. As Louis nears her to shake her hand, he sees freckles and a pair of eyes that are to die for.

“Nice to meet you,” Louis’ the first one to talk, “You must be Gemma,” shaking her hand, “I’m Louis, Louis Tomlinson.”

“I’m Gemma Styles,” Gemma lets Louis’ hand go, “Harry’s oldest sister,” and smiles.

Louis smiles and turns to the lady besides Gemma, “You’re Anne, right?,” Louis says as he shakes her hand, “Harry talks about you a lot,” Louis chuckles.

“It’s really a pleasure to meet you, Louis,” Anne confesses and smiles, letting go Louis’ hand as well, “I’m so excited to know you better, love!,” Anne can’t contain his enthusiasm, making Gemma rolls her eyes.

Louis laughs because they’re just like Harry. That makes him relax a little bit.

“Oh, I’m sorry, c’mon in,” Louis offers, letting them in and then closes the door behind them.

When they sit in the living room, Anne can’t help but ask Louis tons of questions. They talk about his family. Anne’s really shocked when Louis says he has 6 siblings, which makes Gemma laughs and says, “Oh my God, mom, your face!”

Louis asks Gemma about his writing and Gemma, pretty happily, talks about it. It’s so obvious she love writing about fashion and that kind of stuff Louis doesn’t understand at all.

“You know, my sister, Lottie, it’s so into fashion. She wants to be a makeup artist,” Louis explains.

“Really? You should give me her contact information. They’re always looking for interns. It’ll be a great option for her, I mean, if it’s okay with your mom and all that,” Gemma suggests.

“Are you serious? Lottie’ll be thrilled when I tell her!”, Louis says, exhilarated. “You’re so kind, Gemma. Thank you, really. I promised her I would help her, you know, meeting people, but I just kept forgetting,” Louis explains.

Anne raises an eyebrow, “Meeting people?”

“Ermh,” Louis blushes softly, “I’m a songwriter,” Louis mumbles.

“Oh. My. God. Louis!,” Gemma shouts, “That’s so fucking cool. Sorry, mom,” Gemma smiles shamelessly to his mom, causing Anne to roll his eyes and Louis snorts in laughter, “But it really is fucking cool.”

“Thank you, Gems,” Louis mentions, “But it’s really nothing. I mean, it’s whatever.”

“Oh, Louis, c’mon!,” Anne says, “If you told her you would help her ‘meeting people’, it’s not ‘whatever’,” Anne rolls her eyes.

“Oh, Lord,” Louis laughs, “Like mother, like child. Jesus, you’re all the same person.”

They’re laughing when Harry comes into the room and stares curiously at them.

“What’s going on here?,” Harry questions, “Why are you so happy?,” and frowns.

“Sorry for being happy, Harold,” Louis says with a very serious expression, “It’d never happen again. We promise, master.”

Gemma and Anne laughs so hard, as well as Harry.

“You’re ridicuLou,” Harry laughs, “HA, you got it?”

Louis, Gemma and Anne groan in unisone and Louis says, “H, just don’t please. It’s so bad. Don’t do this to yourself, yeah?”

Anne and Gemma laugh and Anne compliments, “Louis’ so funny, dear, so much funnier than you.”

Louis and Gemma laugh as Harry pouts, “Fine, I was going to offer you food and a good movie, but I changed my mind.”

“Harold, stop it,” Louis demands, “And give your guest some food. We’re starving.”  

“Ugh, fine, but just because I’m so kind,” Harry pretend to be mad but smiles.

They walk to the kitchen, Harry takes some ingredients off the fridge and Anne helps him prepares dinner. Gemma and Louis sit at the kitchen counter and they all talk about life and family and work, and Louis thinks it’s so easy to do this. It’s easy be with Harry and his family. It feels kind of similar like when he’s at home with his own family. It’s nice to know someone that makes you feel that way when you’re away from home.

When dinner’s ready, they go to the table and Gemma, Anne and Louis take a sit. Louis feels like he’s about to die, “I’m dying, literally. I’m starving. I’ve never been this starved in all my fucking life” Louis says and widens his eyes looking at Anne apologetically, “Oh my god, I’m sorry, Anne, hunger makes me _sooo_ grumpy and impertinent.”

Gemma and Harry laugh because it’s so cute how Louis’ worried about cursing in front of their mom. Anne just smiles and caresses Louis’ cheek, “It’s fine, love. I know you’re hungry, I can hear your stomach over here.”

“Ugh, sorry,” Louis apologizes, “Feed me, Harry, please.”

“Yeah, little brother, feed us now,” Gemma teases.

“So demanding, Lou,” Harry whispers when place a plate in front of him, making Louis blush.

“Thank you, H,” Louis whispers back.

They eat and talk about how unfortunate is that Robin’s on a work trip. When they finish dinner, they stay there at the table and Louis explains he’s not with his family because he was busy when they left to spend the holidays at Dan’s. When Anne asks who Dan is, Louis explains freely about his biological father and Mark and Dan, “I really love her more than anything. It’s always been the two of us. She’s the most important person in my life. I don’t care about not having my biological father around but I don’t know what I’d do without my mom, you know? I’d do anything for her just as she’d do anything for me” just as Louis concludes, Anne gets up from the chair to stand behind Louis’ chair and wrap her arms around his neck, murmuring something neither Harry nor Gemma can hear.

“Thank you, Anne,” Louis whispers brokenly, but then tries to compose himself, “I’m so sorry I killed the mood.” and Gemma smiles.

“You killed nothing, silly,” Harry asures, “It’s really cute how fond you’re of your family, really,” and Gemma nods.

“This is embarrassing,” Louis chuckles but caresses Anne’s arms and leans in her wrapping, “Thank you for letting me spend the day with you.”

“No, dear, thank you for being here,” Anne lets Louis go and kisses his head.

Harry can’t help but smiles. Watching Louis and his mom interact it’s so painfully  lovely. And nope, nope. nope. Harry can’t stay here and see how his mom wraps Louis in a motherly hug, his heart hurts. He’s never let anyone meet his family but Niall. It easier to get attached to someone if family is involved. And fuck he’s right. He decides he wants to keep watching Louis around his family forever. _Shit_ , Harry thinks.

“You’re ready for a movie?,” Harry asks, “Lou and I decided watching _Love, Rosie_ , what do you think?”

“Yeah, I’ve wanted to watch that movie since forever!,” Gemma agrees and his mom says it’s fine.

Gemma and Anne sit on the couch in front of the telly, while Louis sits on the armchair, thinking Harry’d rather sit with them. Wrong. Harry decides to sit at Louis feet, resting his arm on Louis’ lap, “Everybody's ready?,” Harry asks, when the three of them nod, he plays play.

His sister and mom look at them suspiciously but Louis keeps his eyes on the telly. The movie’s so romantically stressful, but funny and amazing. They smile, laugh, cry and groans in exasperation when needed. When Harry looks up to Louis, he realizes Louis’ so beautiful that you should sit and just kind of like admire what he’s like because even if he’s just seated without moving, he’s so expressive and transmits so much with his face. When he smiles, it’s like sunshine radiating from his face. When he’s sad, Harry can feel it too and just wants to making him feel happy again. When Louis cries, he transports Harry to the saddest place just to break his heart into pieces and then Louis brings him back to the happiest place when wiping his tears with the back of his hand and smiling again so widely it reaches his eyes.

Louis’ a hurricane of emotions, Harry concludes, and his is so fucking deep into it now. This is not good. Just friends, Harry keeps reminding himself. He just has to be friendly, like he’s friends with Niall, right? Harry just has to forget about his feelings about kissing him, and hugging him, and keeping him close.

Once the movie is over and all of them are crying happy tears, Louis whispers, “Oh fuck,” looking at his phone, “I should get going, it’s getting late and I’m sure you want to get some rest,” Louis smiles, getting up at the same time as Harry.

“Oh, right. I’ll walk you home, Lou,” Harry declares.

“H, don’t be ridiculous,” Louis chuckles and then smirks, “It’s just six minutes, right?”

“Louis, dear, please. It’d make me feel better if Harry walk you home, yes?,” Anne confesses.

“Ugh,” Louis groans, pretending annoyance, “I have a sweet spot for moms who tenderly ask me to let someone walking me home so they’d feel better,” and smiles, making Gemma laugh and Anne smile.

“Lou, it was great meeting you,” Gemma says, standing up from the couch, “It’s good to know Harry does have friend, you know?,” Gemma continues, Harry giving her a glare. Louis and Gemma share a fond hug.

When Louis turns to Anne, she places her hands on both his cheeks and murmurs so softly  just for him to listen, “You’re lovely, Louis, such a wonderful person. I have no doubts why Harry’s friend with you and why he let you meeting us, love.” They hug and Anne says louder, “I hope I see you around, Lou.”

Once they finish saying their goodbyes, Harry asks, “You’re ready, Lou?,” and Louis nods.

“Lead the way, Harold,” Louis responds.

“Mom, Gems, you know where everything is,” Harry confirms, “I won’t be long, yeah?”

And then Louis and Harry are out of the flat. Walking Louis next to Louis is so funny. He’s always talking about something that makes you laugh. Probably, Louis’ hyper but, whatever it is, there’s something about him that drags you into him, something like Louis’ own force of gravity. Harry forces himself to not being captivated by it.

“I really don’t get why you don’t tell me about the songs you’ve written, Lou,” Harry pouts.

“I really don’t get why I should tell you about it,” Louis pouts back, making Harry hit his arm.

“Because it’s so cool,” Harry explains, “When I’m home, I’m gonna look for all your songs.”

Louis smirks, “Good luck with that, H,” and says in a petulant way.

Harry groans in annoyance, “Ugh, why do you say it like that?”

“Because,” Louis grins, “I don’t songwrite under my name, Harry. It would be stupid of me, wouldn’t it? I mean, I don’t like talking about my songs. So if I’d written them under my name, they would be a secret anymore; they’d be public. There would be not need for people trying to figure it out about my work. By the way, it’s nothing impressive, I mean, I just write hoping someone like it. Aren’t all jobs about that? There’s nothing splendid about it,” Louis confesses.

“Fuck you, Lou,” Harry fights back, “If there’s nothing splendid, why wouldn’t you just tell me?”

Louis blushes and says, “Because you haven’t own the right for me to tell you, H,” Louis tells, “It’s nothing extraordinary but I’m not ready for you to think a certain way about me or judge me because of what I write.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say about it because, well, it’s true. People do that all the time; they judge you because of what you do or don’t. People judge you because of that little surface you let them see. Harry’s used to that but, probably, Louis isn’t. And Harry accepts that, he definitely accepts it. People had judged Harry’s work because it’ so artistically beautiful but it seems so sad. Therefore, it brings questions like _Are you sad, Harry?_ or _Is there something wrong, love?_ or, his favorite, _Are you feeling lonely, sweetie?_ For Christ’s sake, it’s just black and white pictures. There’s nothing wrong about it. And yes, possibly,  Harry’s sad sometimes and sure he feels lonely even though he’s surrounded by a crowd of people. However, that’s not the point. The thing here is that when you expose your work to others, you give them the option to judge you. You give them the opportunity to destroy you. So if Louis’ smart enough to that protect himself that way, Harry’s not going to take if away from him.

“You’re brilliant,” Harry blurts out, “You really are.You take so much care of yourself. It’s admirable.”

“Well, I’m just protecting me from the world,” Louis says when they’re in front his building.

I know, Lou,” Harry says. He’s lost in Louis’ galaxy eyes, “So, about tomorrow. What time works for you?”

“What?,” Louis asks, confused.

“I think, I lost a bet. I seven o’clock okay with you?,” Harry questions.

“Yeah, Seven’s fine, H,” Louis says, smiling.

They’re so fucking screwed and they both know it. They both can feel it coming. They are just waiting for it to happen, wishing it wouldn’t.

“Okay, Lou,” Harry whispers, “See you tomorrow at 7,” leaning in and kissing his right cheek.

“Bye,please text me when you’re home, yeah?” Louis murmurs and smiles when he sees Harry nods, turning around and entering the building.

Once Louis’ inside his flat, he has so much feelings inside him. How the fuck he let that happen? Meeting Harry’s family the first, well, second they after meeting _him_. He’s such an idiot. He’s so stupid for letting that happen. He wants to do what he does best but when he’s feeling like this, but before that, he has to check his phone.

 

**Zayn**

_Oh, right, Tomorrow then? Please, Lou, we should talk about it. Don’t you fucking dare ignoring it. Love you, mate xx_

Louis really loves how protective his friends are towards him. They’re family and Louis wouldn’t want it anyother way.

_Z, I know it. Let’s have lunch tomorrow, yeah? Love you so much xx_

The reply comes immediately.

_We’ll be there tomorrow, Lou_

He puts the phone in his pockets and goes to the studio. That’s the only way he knows he can let everything go. Writing is the only thing that keeps him sane. Right now, Louis doesn’t know what to do or how to feel. He has so many feelings and emotions. It’s unbelievable. So he writes nonstop.

_So I could take the back road,_

_But your eyes'll lead me straight back home._

_And if you know me like I know you,_

_You should love me, you should know._

His phone rings and Louis reads, _I’m home, Louuuuu. See you tomorrow xxxxxxx_ , and sighs.

_Friends just sleep in another bed,_

_And friends don't treat me like you do._

Words running inside his head. Feelings flying inside his brain. Emotions thundering inside his heart. However, Louis just writes.

_But then again, if we're not friends,_

_Someone else might love you too._

_And then again, if we're not friends,_

_There'd be nothing I could do,_

 

This is the beginning of Louis’ best writing era. He writes so easily, his hand is like floating and his heart feels less heavy. He just hopes these kind of feelings fade away soon. He really doesn’t want to be hurt. Not again. Not because the decision of being just friends. Not because of _his_ decision of agreeing with Harry.


	5. fallin’ all in you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Guys, I hope you love it as much as I do 
> 
>  
> 
> PS. Remember English isn't my native language so feedback is always welcome because I want to improve my writing skills.
> 
> Love you <3

****Next morning, Louis doesn’t remember when he fell asleep on the floor of his studio. Papers all around him, guitar on his left side and phone on the right one. He tries to unlock it but it’s dead. Great. Louis sands up, walking to his bedroom and connecting his phone to the charger. Once his phone turn on, he sees it’s already 1 o’clock.

“Fuck,” Louis says, taking some clothes and rushing into the shower. Just as he’s out of the bathroom, he hears some noises coming from the kitchen.

“We brought Carl’s Jr.,” Zayn says, “I was craving it so bad.” Liam and Zayn walking so easily around Louis kitchen, knowing what the other’s going to do and where the other’s going to move. It’s amazing to watch that kind of connection between two people. What Zayn and Liam have is so unique and difficult to find.

Louis walks out his room, walking to the kitchen, and says, “You know that after a night of writing I don’t give a fuck what you bring, guys. Just put some food into my system, yeah?”

They sit at the table and eat. Louis asks about their families and what they did yesterday, Zayn explains their doing perfect and that his mom sends all her love to him. Liam talks about what they did yesterday and also says her mom asked for Louis. They are a big loving family, Zayn’s and Liam’s and Louis’. They know they can count on each other all the time.

Once they’re done eating, Zayn asks, “What about you, Lou? How was yesterday?”

“You little shit, couldn’t wait, could you?,” Louis chuckles, so does Liam, “First of all, let’s put the dishes in the dishwasher. Then, we’ll sit on the living room or, my personal favorite, going to bed, yeah?.” So they do it.

They’re lying on the bed with Quill in Zayn’s hands, when Louis blurts out, “It was fine, Z. I mean, I met Harry’s mom and sister, they’re lovely. We had dinner and then he walked me home. Just that, seriously.”

“Lou,” Liam says, breathing out, “you left together. Do you really expect us to believe nothing happened?”

Zayn sighs and says, petting Quill in his hands, “I really like Harry, you know? He’s amazing, he really is. He’s brilliant and charming His work is to die for, it’s impressive,” Zayn expresses, “I admire him as an artist and I like him as a friend. But Lord knows he’s not a good partner, Lou. Just, please, please, Lou, don’t-”

“I know,” Louis whispers, “I really know it, Z. He’s told me,” giving them a small smile.

“Oh, Lou,” Liam says, wrapping his arm around him, “What happened?”

“Well, first off. Stop it, I mean, I’ve only know the boy for what, three days? I’m not heartbroken or whatever. He told me he didn’t want a serious relationship. Basically, he told me he was fucking around,” Louis laughs a little, “I agreed and we fucked. Btw, I didn’t change the sheets nor the duvet. Sorry,” he smiles innocently as Liam and Zayn groans, “Just after we fucked, he repeated he didn’t want a relationship and he asked if we could be just friends. You know, he seemed so… broken, like if suggesting the idea being just friends breaks his heart. I don’t know, I couldn’t just say no. Not after seeing him like that,” he sighs when sees Liam’s and Zayn’s pitying eyes, “I couldn’t say no after talking to him and feeling what it feels to have him close. You should know it because, apparently, you’ve been friends for a long time so you should know that being with him feels good. It feels like a true friendship, it feels sincere and funny. He accepts you just the way you are and treasures you like  if you’re made of gold,” Louis concludes and everything’s silent for a couple of seconds.

Zayn breathes in and out and then whispers, “I didn’t want you to meet, I’m sorry. At the time, I’d known Harry for a couple months and I knew him Good friend, good person, not a boyfriend, just a… what? Polite, charming and honest _player_? I really don’t know how to describe him, sorry,” Zayns says apologetically and continues, “So, Niall and him always asked when they’d meet my amazing friend and I was like ‘Shit, what do I do? I can’t let them meet, It would be a disaster’ but then I thought maybe I was overreacting, you know, maybe I was thinking about it too much. So I decided to let Liam meet him, you know, he’d tell me if I was being crazy about it. It turned out, I wasn’t. Right aways, Liam told me you should meet because you were so compatible-”

“We’re sorry, Lou,” Liam interrumpes, “We’re truly sorry about it. Maybe, if we should’ve told you, everything’d be different. But you should understand we only wanted to protect you. You’re the most important thing for us, Lou, we didn’t know how it’d be if you and Harry met. There was a chance of you being the best of the mates, but there was also a possibility of you wanting more and we knew Harry wasn’t ready for it. Apparently, he still isn’t. We just wanted to protect you. Lou, we love you so, so much. We don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Fuck, guys, It’s okay. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, he’s so sweet and charming and intelligent and lovely and, ugh, I’m fucked,” he groans, “But that doesn’t change a thing. Everything’s gonna be okay, yeah? I promise. I’m not gonna fall for him and he’s not gonna try anything. I mean, he was very clear about the fact of being just friends so…”

“Fine, Lou,” Zayn says, “I trust you and if you say nothing’s gonna happen, then nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Everything good then?,” Liam asks tentatively, “I mean, you still love us?”

“Mate, I’ll love you until the day I die,” Louis says, smiling, “I love you more now, actually. You’re the most protective and amazing friends in the world. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

They both sigh in relief then Liam asks, “Okay, then. Now what? A movie?”

“Yeah, a movie’s fine but,” Louis says really softly, like if he doesn’t want the other boys to hear, “I’m supposed to have dinner with Harry at 7, so…”

Zayn looks at him and smiles, “It’s fine. We can watch a movie and help you getting ready and when he arrives, we leave, it's that okay?”

“Perfect, Z,” Louis answers, “Thank you.” Louis couldn't be more grateful for having Zayn and Liam as his best mates. They are perfect for each other. Zayn’s too serious and relaxed that balances Louis’ hyperactivity, while Liam worries too much and takes such a good care of them, being the rock they need from time to time. Louis’ really and truly grateful for them. They're not better people than them.

Zayn leaves Quill in his habitat and then they decide to watch Furious 7 because they feel like being masculine after a sentimental talking about feelings and emotions. So a very manly movie it is. It’s not a good idea because they end up crying like manly babies with that final scene. They talk a little bit longer and at 6, Louis decides he need to shower again. So he does and Liam and Zayn wait for him in bed.

“Babe, I’m so worried about him,” Liam whispers when his lying face to face with Zayn, “I know him. I’ve known him since forever, this’ gonna end so badly.”

Zayn caresses Liam’s cheek and kisses his nose, “I know, but there’s nothing we can do, babe. Absolutely nothing but being next to him all the time.”

“Yeah, but…,” Liam says but is interrupted by Zayn’s mouth on his.

“You worry too much,” Zayn declares when they separate, they’re so close that their lips touch when they talk, “That’s one of the reasons why I love you so desperately, you know, How much you care for your loved ones is fascinating, Liam, but you need to let it happen. Louis’ someone we can’t control and you know it.”

“Yeah, okay… it’s fine,” Liam expresses and kisses Zayn, “Just let me tell you, I’m gonna break Harry’s face if he hurts Louis. I’m gonna hurt him so bad. So, so bad, Zayn.”

“Of course you will, tiger,” Zayn smiles and touches Liam’s hair, “I know you will. I love you, babe.”

“I love you more, Z,” Liam whispers, “Thank you for calming me down, love, for being here with me,” touching so gently Zany’s neck.

Legs tangled and some soft kisses later, Louis enters into the bedroom again.

“Okay, so I know this isn’t a fucking date,” Louis says when he enters the bedroom, “I fucking know that but, guys, help me find an outfit, like, now,” he demands and they roll their eyes. “Please,” Louis forces a smile.

Zayn stands up and goes to Louis closet, “Where are you lads gonna go? Give me some information if you want me to help you, Lou” Zayn says, inspecting Louis’ clothes.

It’s 6:35 and Louis says, “Ahmm, I actually don’t know, Z.”

“For Christ’s sake, Lou,” Zayns groans but keeps looking for something Louis could wear, “I think casual it’ fine, like you said, this isn’t a date. Since I fucking love you in black and you asked for my help, take this and go get dressed,” he throws Louis a pair of black jeans, a t-shirt that has skeleton hands with a rainbow, black jacket, and a black coat because it’s fucking freezing outside. Damn you, winter.

“By the way, Louis, style your hair the way I like it, yeah?,” Liam asks, “You know, a little bit messy with the fringe and all that. You’re gonna look so hot like a total badass in those clothes but you’re so soft and gentle. Perfect combo.”

“You’re so fucking demanding, guys,” Louis rolls his eyes and smiles. “Let me go get dressed and do my hair.”

When he comes back, he looks _so_ good. He looks hot and messy but so fucking beautiful.

“Please tell me I look good,” Louis commands, “But not like I worried about it or asked for fucking help to pick up my clothes.”  
“Not, not at all,” Liam reassures him, “You look hot but like the normal amount of hot. It looks like you care but not that much. It’s good.”

“And just in time,” Zayn says, unlocking his phone just to realize it’s 6:58, “Which is a good thing because Harry’s always on time.”

Louis sees them and realizes he wants something like that for himself. Zayn’s back is pressed to Liam’s abs and Liam’s wrapping him with his arms while Zayn’s head’s on his chest.

They all move to the living room to wait for Harry. Louis’ kind of nervous but he constantly reminds himself ‘This is _not_ a fucking date because he does _not_ fucking fancy you that way.’ When they’re on the couch, Liam asks Louis about his writing and Louis promises he’s going to show them. He’s actually very excited about the song he wrote last night.

“I actually love it, guys,” Louis confesses, “I have the lyrics and the melody. I’m proud of it.”

“I’m so excited, Lou,” Liam says, “I want to hear it now!”

“Patience, young grasshopper,” Louis demands calmly, “You want to run before you walk.”

It’s 7:30, when Louis gets a message.

**Harry**

I’m sorry, Lou but I’m not gonna make it :(

“He’s not coming,” Louis says, locking his phone and putting it in his pocket.

“What?,” Liam and Zayn ask in unison.

“Harry. He’s not coming,” Louis declares and smiles because THIS. IS. _NOT_. A. FUCKING. DATE. “You guys want to do something?,” Louis questions, trying to pretend he’s not fucking disappointed.

“Sure,” Zayn answers immediately, “You want to show us your new song?”

Louis smiles, but he’s not into it right now. However, his mood swing has nothing to do with Harry. Not. Not at all.

One. One time he never made it. The first time he does _not_ show up. The first time of so many others that Harry’s never gonna make it there. The first time Louis’ crushed because of it. But, hey, this isn’t a date, right?

 ❣

Harry’s sat on his couch next to Niall, head in his hands. He seems so concerned, like he’s lost in his own thoughts. Harry’s overthinking this whole Louis’ situation too much that he’s sure Niall can hear his feelings, thoughts and emotions.

“I’m horrible, right?,” Harry whisper asks Niall.

“Mate, this isn’t your finest moment but you’re not horrible,” Niall explains “You’re so fucking confused but, H, you asked for this. This is your decision.”

“I know, Ni, but-,” Harry tries to defend himself but Niall interrupts him.

“But nothing. This’ your fucking decision and Louis was kind enough to accept it. Can you imagine how fucking difficult was for him to accept it just like that after having sex with you? ‘Cause I don’t. So respect him, yeah?”

“What?, Harry’s  really confused, “I respected him, I mean, we didn’t-”

“No, you idiot,” Niall elaborates, “Respect his decision. You took it, yeah, but he accepted it. If he can befriend you, why don’t you, Harry?”

“Because,” Harry sighs, “He’s fucking amazing, okay? He’s my ideal person, you know. When I picture the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, I mean, he’s very close to that person. But I’m not ready to give everything up just for someone… anyone.”

“Jesus, Harry, I’m not telling you to marry him tomorrow morning. I’m just telling you to give him a chance. Let him in, mate,” Niall pushes, “If you’re not ready to do that, at least, you should treat him right.”

“Fuck,” Harry blurts out, “What was I thinking? Ditching him just because I’m so coward to face him.”

“Nope, H, you ditched him because,” Niall reminds him, making quotation marks with his fingers, “‘I should be his friend but not a close.friends. Probably if I don’t come, he’d think we’re just friends’ which let me tell you it’s the most stupid idea ever, Harry, that doesn’t have any fucking sense.”

“I fucking panicked, Ni, you know how terrified I am? I was perfectly fine and then this lovely boy came into my life like the hurricane he is and messed everything up,” Harry explains, “I know, we have nothing going on between us, but that doesn’t stop me from thinking about this fucking situation.”

“Mate, I love you.” Niall says and Harry knows he’s going to say something he’s probably not gonna like, “But fucking man up, yeah? It was your fucking decision so man up and face it. If you don’t want to be with him, then don’t but fucking treat him the way he deserves. If you say he’s fucking splendid, then show it. Be his friend, the best of the friend he’ll ever have. Listen to him. Help him. Laugh with him. Have breakfast, lunch or dinner with him like you’d have it with me,” Niall sighs, “Harry, I know how lovely you are. I know you’re not a bad person. Show him that, yeah? Be his friend.”

Harry know Niall’s right. He let Louis down just because his afraid of himself and that’s fucking awful. He’s wrong and he knows it. The thing’s that he doesn’t know how to cope with it. Louis fucking perf… unbelievable ideal for him. Why is Harry so fucking selfish? Why can he settle down and enjoy the pleasure of being into just one person? Why can’t he let go of Kendall and Taylor and Luke and Nick and fucking all the rest of them? Yes, he wants to feel loved and he’s experimenting the different kinds of loving he can feel. And when he’s with Louis he feels so different, he feels like he’s taken care of in an emotional way, like if Louis would want to make him feel safe, even though he knows that’s impossible after meeting just for a couple of days. And that’s so fucking difficult to find, right? A person who makes you feel safe is so rare to find. If you’re lucky enough to find someone that makes you feel that way. Fucking. Keep. Them.

“Yeah, you’re right. I asked for this. I can handle it. I’d rather be his friend than not having him at all. Thank you so much,” Harry rushes to say, standing up, taking his coat and going to the door, “I’m going to Louis’, yeah? See you later, mate. I love you so much,” Harry says and disappears.

“That’s not what I was trying to say, H,” Niall whispers to himself and groans. “Fucking idiot.” 

❣

It’s 9 when Harry’s walking to Louis flat. It’s freezing, obviously. It’s fucking January at 9 in the fucking evening in fucking London, it’s obvious is gonna be fucking freezing. He should’ve grabbed his beanie and gloves and scarf and a fucking blanket to keep him warm. As he arrives to Louis’ flat, he thinks he has hipotermia or something like that. He thinks he’s about to die frozen but knock at the door once. Twice. He’s desperate to see Louis.

When the door’s open, Harry blurts out, “Louis, I’m really, really so-”

“I don’t fucking give a damn about what you’re about to say, Harry, but if you think you can come and hurt him just like that, you’re fucking out of your mind,” Zayn says and stares at him.

“If you make him feel any less that protected and loved, I’m gonna break your face,” Liam says so quietly that it’s terrifying, “Clear?”

“Crystal,” Harry answers, “I know what you’re thinking, guys, but I can assure you I don’t have any intentions of hurting Louis in any way, I swear. I just want to be close to him because he’s such an amazing person.”

“Fine,” Zayn says in annoyance, “I like you, Harry, but he’s family and I love him. So be careful and gentle to him.”

“He’s in the studio, by the way,” Liam explains, “We were about to leave when you knocked at the door.”

“Be. Careful,” it’s the last thing Zayn says before leaving him behind.

Harry watches them while they leave holding hands and they look so in love. Harry decides that, one day, he’s gonna have that.

Harry enters the flat and closes the door behind him, “Lou,” he calls softly.

Suddenly, music fills the flat. The piano sound so beautiful and delicate, it’s attracting and engaging. Harry starts walking towards that seductive and fascinating sound.

“Lou,” Harry whispers as he opens the door. The music stops so suddenly, just like it started.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Harry?,” Louis jumps from the bench. “You scared the shit out of me, Harry,” he tries to pick up subtly the sheets that are around him, placing them inside a black folder.

“I’m so sorry, Lou,” Harry rushes to say, looking at his feet, “Not for intruding, well yeah for intruding while you’re working. Of course I’m sorry for that,” Harry rambles, “but I’m also so, so sorry for not making it here on time. I’m such an idiot and you don’t deserve that. You deserve so much more and better. Always. I’m so afraid of you hurting you that I hurt you. I just want to be a good friend for you because I want to keep you forever. I just keep doing things wrong.”

“Well that’s the fastest I’ve heard you speak,” Louis smiles, trying to lighten the situation, “Harry, I really don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re mates and, sometimes, mates have other things to do so they have to cancel a plan. It’s nothing, really.”

“You’re unbelievable, Louis,” Harry hugs him, “I don’t deserve you but I’m so selfish that I’m gonna take it.”

Louis suggests going to the living room and watch a movie. Instead, Harry ends up making pancakes, while Louis’ sitting on the countertop. When they finish dinner, they go to the bedroo and lie down. They talk and open up to each other. Louis talks about his past relationship and how things ended up so badly when Noah cheated on him with a girl, when he'd sworn he was 100% gay. Louis tells Harry how heartbroken he was and how devastating it was for his family and friends to see him suffering for someone who wasn't worth it. Louis tells him the way Noah tried to contacted him for months after he found out Louis was becoming more su _ccessful_. Louis explains that's the reason he now uses a pen name. Never his own name. Never again.

Just like that, everything makes sense for Harry. It's so clear why Louis’ so secretive and discrete about his work, why someone has to own the right to know about what he does, why he's sassy or shy, depending on the situation. He's building walls to protect himself from anything. _It's been a while_ , Louis told him the first night. _He's the best. I think it's because he's been through so much shit in his life_ , he remembers Zayn telling them when they were at the gallery talking about the amazing friend Zayn had but that they'd never seen. Now everything clics in his mind and Harry wants to protecting him from anyone and anything in the world.

When Louis thinks he’s made the mood too much heavy, he asks Harry about his love life. And well, let’s say that Harry has had a lot of love in his life. Harry talks about how he’s not sure just yet about his sexual orientation, he loves love but he’s not sure about who he wants to love. He talks about Kendall and Taylor but also talks about Luke and Nick, among some other people that have been part of Harry’s love life.

“So, you’re… like… I’m so sorry but… you’re like fucking around? I don’t want to offend you but I don’t know what else to call it,” Louis says and chuckles, but his face falls when sees Harry.

“Well, yeah,” Harry murmurs, “But I don’t want to hurt anyone, you know? That’s basically the reason why I explain them what I want before anything happen. I don’t want to make them feel bad or angry at me. I don’t.., I just… I can’t stand someone that’s sad or disappointed at me, you know?,” Harry rambles, “I’ve always been the kind of person that worries too much, like, I worry too much and I want people to actually like me. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I think I understand. You want people to like you because of who you are as a person, right?” Louis questions, “We all have different facets, you know? I’m a friend, a partner, a son, a brother, a writer and so on. I mean, I have so many facets and all of them make me and complete me as a whole, I mean, as a person. All of those facets make me Louis. All your facets make you Harry and that’s okay, you know? The fact that you’re not ready to be with someone doesn’t make you a bad person. Harold. _Jesus_ , how could you think of that?,” Louis finishes, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but-,” Harry says but it’s interrupted.

“I’m politely asking you to shut the fuck up, yeah? Please and thank you so fucking much,” Louis says in a serious tone and smiles sarcastically.

Louis asks him about his work. Harry explains that he has an art exhibition coming in a few of months and that he’s actually very excitedly terrified about it because it’s about happiness and he’s not sure what he’s going to do.

“It’s simple, really,” Louis says, looking at Harry directly in the eyes, “What makes you happy, H?”

Harry sighs, hiding his face in his hands, “I don’t know? I mean, my family and friends, mostly. But who wants to see my family and friends in an art exhibition? Let’s be honest.”

“Me? I want to know what makes you happy,” Louis says shyly, making Harry blush a little, “However, young Harold, I understand what you’re saying but, hey, you’re a professional photographer, right? Make your family and friends the most beautiful work of art ever seen. I trust you, I know you’re gonna do an amazing job, H. Bring honor to us all.”

Harry thinks he can do that. The exhibition is about happiness and if his friends and family make him happy, hell yeah, he’s gonna do it.

“Lou, you’re amazing. I’ll do that,” Harry expresses happily, almost shouting from excitement.

“By the way, Zayn also told me about an exhibit at the gallery about happiness. Is it the same?,” Louis questions.

“Oh yeah, it’s gonna be like a collective art exhibition? There’ll be so many amazing artists, like, painters, photographers, sculptors, illustrators, oh my god,” Harry rushes to say, he seems so thrilled about it, “Personally, I want to see what Zayn’s gonna create, you know? I’m a sucker for his work. He’s unbelievable talented.”

“I know, I’ve seen him get better and better over the years. I’m so fucking proud of him and Liam as well. I love them both,” Louis smiles like a mom who’s so proud of her son.

“It’s so sweet to watch you guys talk about each other,” Harry confesses, “I want someone that talks about me the way you talk about them.”

“You already have me, Harold. Duh,” Louis rolls his eyes.

When they realize what time it is, Louis decides it’s too late for Harry to go home all on his own but Harry insists.

“H, are you sure? It’s late. You can stay here, it’s nothing, really. Besides it’s fucking freezing outside,” Louis tries to convince him but doesn’t succeed.

“I’m sure, Lou, I’m gonna request an uber. It’s not a big deal,” Harry says, taking his phone off his pocket and opening the app. “Done.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn,” Louis groans in fake annoyance.

“It takes one to know, right?,” Harry smiles, rushing to the door. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. Bye, H” Louis answers and then freezes when Harry kisses his cheek. He thought this was going to stop but apparently he was wrong. He reminds himself that Harry is a handy and affectionate friend, so it’s fine. “Tell me when you’re home,” Louis smiles softly.

“Of course. Bye, Lou” Harry hugs him and then disappear out of the door.

Louis sighs and goes to the studio. Lately, he’s been so inspired. Weird, huh? Before Harry arrived, Louis was working on the melody because he felt inspired and the music just came into his head. That’s the funny thing about Louis, he doesn’t work conventionally. If music comes to him first, it’s fine, he plays it until he has the perfect word to complement the melody. If lyrics fly into his head first, he writes them down and memorize them until he creates the perfect melody for them. He’s been 5 minutes playing, when his phone rings.

**Harry**

Lou

Lou

Lou

Lou

Lou

Lou

Lou

I’m gonna text you 7 times when I want to get your attention or when I have something important to say

Because 7 is your favorite number

Right now, I just want to get your attention

Well, I’m home xxxxx

Jesus, H, you’re so annoying :p

So, now I have to text you 11 times when I have something important to say?

Yeah, I love when people text me pesteringly

You have no idea xx

You’re texting me pesteringly.

Go to sleep, H

xxxx

Louis locks his phone, places it over the lid and starts playing. Eyes closed and fingers flying over the keys, he feels so safe here doing this. Just as Louis hits the final note, he opens his eyes wide and reaches for his journal.

  _Daybreak open your eyes_

_'Cause this was only ever meant to be for one night_

_Still, we're changing our minds here_

_Be yours, be my dear_

 

**Harry**

Sleep tight, Louuuuu xxxx

Talk to you tomorrow

xxx

 

_you know I've been alone for quite a while_

_haven't I? I thought I knew it all_

_Found love but I was wrong_

_More times than enough_

_But since you came along_

_I'm thinking baby_

_You are bringing out a different kind of me_

_There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free_

_Falling all in_

 

Louis’ hands are moving without his consent. He’s out of his mind when he’s writing. He feels so free and devoted to his music. He loves the creating process and likes the feeling of being somewhere else. Somewhere no one can find him, somewhere no one can’t hurt him. When he writes, he feels invincible, so far from reality.

 

_Every time I see you baby I get lost_

_If I'm dreaming, baby, please don't wake me up_

 

‘None of this is related to Harry,’ Louis thinks. ‘Definitely not, No fucking way.’ He isn't fucking falling for this tender and delicate guy who happen to be the most fascinating and softest person he's ever met. _Fuck_.


End file.
